Today I'd like to share with you the video and script for a classic Monty Python sketch which happens to be reference fairly frequently by Emily and myself. Presenting the Vocational Guidance Counsellor sketch, or as it is sometimes known, the Lion Tamer sketch:

Video

Script

Animation film into Vocational Guidance Counsellor sketch.

Voices Singing - Vocational guidance counsellor ... vocational guidance counsellor ... vocational guidance counsellor ... etc.

Office set. Man sitting at desk. Mr Anchovy is standing waiting. The counsellor looks at his watch then starts the sketch.

Counsellor - Ah Mr Anchovy. Do sit down.
Anchovy - Thank you. Take the weight off the feet, eh?
Counsellor - Yes, yes.
Anchovy - Lovely weather for the time of year, I must say.
Counsellor - Enough of this gay banter. And now Mr Anchovy, you asked us to advise you which job in life you were best suited for.
Anchovy - That is correct, yes.
Counsellor - Well I now have the results here of the interviews and the aptitude tests that you took last week, and from them we've built up a pretty clear picture of the sort of person that you are. And I think I can say, without fear of contradiction, that the ideal job for you is chartered accountancy.
Anchovy - But I am a chartered accountant.
Counsellor - Jolly good. Well back to the office with you then.

Girish recently sent me this article which has drastic implications on my plans for Halloween this year. I've re-posted it as a service to other people trying to figure out what they will be doing at the end of the month.

Rocky Horror Picture Show's Cult Following Just Doesn't Have The Energy Anymore - The Onion

LOS ANGELES—Longtime fans of the 1975 cult classic The Rocky Horror Picture Show reported this week that after 30 years of religiously attending midnight showings of the film, they no longer have the energy to put on red wigs, bras, and lipstick and yell things at a movie screen until two in the morning.

Describing the never-ending ritual of gathering together with fellow fans and re-watching the camp musical comedy as "tiring" and "frankly, a little pathetic," thousands of once-obsessed Rocky Horror fans across the country made it known that their enthusiasm for the whole cult following in general was beginning to wane.

Up, up, up your premium. Up, up, up your premium.
Scribble away!
And balance the books.
Up, up, up your premium.
Scribble away!
But manage the books.

It's fun to charter an accountant
And sail the wide accountancy,
To find, explore the funds offshore
And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy!

It can be manly in insurance.
We'll up your premium semi-annually.
It's all tax deductible.
We're fairly incorruptible,
We're sailing on the wide accountancy!

Monty Python, The Accountancy Shanty

I know that the entire Chuck Norris joke fad is passe, but this was too good to resist.

• Chuck Norris doesn't follow GAAP. GAAP follows Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris does not accrue for expenses, he accrues for pain.
• Chuck Norris not only assigns useful lives, he takes them away.
• If he finds an exception, Chuck Norris amortizes pain over the remaining useful life of the client.
• Chuck Norris doesn't audit companies; He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
• Chuck Norris doesn't review subsequent events, his presence creates them.
• Chuck Norris sends the CRA a blank T1 with his picture attached. Chuck Norris has never paid taxes.
• Chuck Norris still amortizes goodwill.
• Chuck Norris can depreciate land and your life.
• Chuck Norris foots a schedule by kicking it until it the numbers balance for him.
• How does Chuck Norris hole punch? Answer: with a shotgun and an extremely accurate aim.
• Chuck Norris irons his shirts with a blowtorch and a rusty piece of sheet metal.
• Chuck Norris highlights in black.

The Globe and Mail has an excellent article online entitled The Great Canadian Cyclists Exam. Take the test and see how you score.

My only warning is that if you see a sign that reads "Collector moving very well. Express moving well." in Winnipeg you are hallucinating regardless of your mode of transport.

Girish's kinetic typography assignment just makes me smile.

[flashvideo file=http://www.seancarney.ca/seantv/with-club-sauce.flv image=http://www.seancarney.ca/gallery/display/22390-2/club-sauce.jpg /]

Quote from Arrested Development.

[flashvideo file=http://www.seancarney.ca/seantv/total-eclipse-of-the-heart.flv image=http://www.seancarney.ca/gallery/display/22365-2/total-eclipse-of-the-heart.jpg screencolor=0xFFFFFF /]

I could probably find more productive uses of my time, but this is pretty awesome.

Strengths: Taste, Colour, Ease of preparation
Weaknesses: Made from hooves
Opportunities: Can be combined with other foods (fruit salad)
Threats: Being left out of the fridge

Yes, someone searched the Internet for "SWOT Analysis of Jello" and I had to fill that void. If some business school student actually uses this to cheat on their administrative policy course I might die of laughter.

Since 2009 ended recently, I decided to go through the website logs and see what was popular and what people were searching for when they visited. I noticed I had a good number of the search phrases were in the form of questions to which no answers exist on this site.

To remedy this, here are some questions people asked a search engine in 2009 and the answers for them.

Question: can you blacken pickeral fish fillets
Answer: Yes, you can blacken any food. Blackening (or "burning" as it is more commonly known) is simple. Just cook the food at a high temperature for a short period of time.

Question: what river runs through winnipeg
Answer: The Seine.

Question: how to get to the steam tunnels at cmu
Answer: Enter the western building on the north campus and proceed to the basement. On the eastern side of the building is a set of locked double doors that lead to the boiler room. Open those doors with whatever means are available to you (a key, knife, or bribery). The tunnel should be straight ahead on the eastern wall at the top of a short ladder.

Question: what to do in tulabi falls
Answer: Since Tulabi Falls is a class six rapid the only thing that one does in the falls is get injured.

Question: where is sean carney from port rowan
Answer: Presumably in Port Rowan.

Question: how to get to nopiming park from wpg
Answer: Leave Winnipeg on highway 15 traveling east, turn north onto highway 12, turn east onto provincial road 317, turn north onto highway 11, turn east onto provincial road 313, turn north onto provincial road 315 and travel on it until you reach the park.

Question: why is urban foraging done?
Answer: A nuclear holocaust, alien invasion or zombie plague has occurred and food is scarce.

Question: how much donated money can a church keep for itself?
Answer: Theoretically speaking a church could keep all donations for itself and accumulate vast amounts of wealth (or pay its staff six-digit salaries). That having been said, I think churches should give a minimum of ten percent of their income to other unrelated charities.

Question: road flares where to buy
Answer: Canadian Tire.

Question: what shall i cook for my kids tea tonight
Answer: I recommend visiting Goons with Spoons for your culinary inspiration. Try the Hot Dog Rollup.