I know that the entire Chuck Norris joke fad is passe, but this was too good to resist.

• Chuck Norris doesn't follow GAAP. GAAP follows Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris does not accrue for expenses, he accrues for pain.
• Chuck Norris not only assigns useful lives, he takes them away.
• If he finds an exception, Chuck Norris amortizes pain over the remaining useful life of the client.
• Chuck Norris doesn't audit companies; He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
• Chuck Norris doesn't review subsequent events, his presence creates them.
• Chuck Norris sends the CRA a blank T1 with his picture attached. Chuck Norris has never paid taxes.
• Chuck Norris still amortizes goodwill.
• Chuck Norris can depreciate land and your life.
• Chuck Norris foots a schedule by kicking it until it the numbers balance for him.
• How does Chuck Norris hole punch? Answer: with a shotgun and an extremely accurate aim.
• Chuck Norris irons his shirts with a blowtorch and a rusty piece of sheet metal.
• Chuck Norris highlights in black.