Sean Carney's Website

This morning I learned that my best friend, Mikael Chan, took his own life last night. Mikael and I had been friends since high school and he was the best man at my wedding. Mikael was a close and loyal friend. He was incredibly creative and was known to always have a number of projects on the go.

Over the past 14 months Mikael struggled with some mental health issues and last night he decided to put an end to it all. I am profoundly sad that he is gone, but I hope he got the peace he sought.

It is hard not to think that I could have done something differently in the past day which would have saved him. I guess the fact is that I (and no one else for that fact) can watch over someone all the time, even if that is what they need the most.

Below is his last blog entry, made last evening. You can click to read it, but only if you want to.

School Is Out For Summer
Nov. 9th, 2009 at 9:46 PM
2 degrees celsius.
I'm feeling really shitty right now. Nothing is going as planned. Everything is falling down around me. My health and my moods are unstable, and I can't to anything to change that. I am helpless - or very nearly so. I draw on my last reserves, but they will not be enough. Just fumes. I know I was discussing earlier that suicide is irrational - and I am certainly in an irrational state. I have no buoys to keep me true. God, I hate this feeling! This feeling of helplessness and of capitulation and of not finishing what I've started out to do. I am a quitter. I am a loser. The thoughts are screaming in my head, and there are so many options to choose from. Will it be the already afore-referenced fumes? The old pill-tosser? Draino? Jumping off the bridge into traffic? Consumption? The menu is bountiful. God help me.